/lit/ - Literature

I'd LOVE to see what some of you could come up with.

>>3950894
Yes, it's like a black comedy sci-fi horror crime thriller with porn. I'd hoped it came across as not taking itself very seriously in most parts.
Yeah, sci-fi's been done before. Guess I should give up, eh?

>>3950427
It was ages ago. I've got the image of the cover in my head and I remember liking what was in the introduction. Something along the lines of "The face on the front of the book is the face of pure need and thus the face of pure evil".
But I'm pretty sure I couldn't understand a fucking word of the rest of it.

>>3950404
Thanks, brother.

See, the fact that you don't know that one of them looks like Tim Roth and the other doesn't look like anyone just rams home how terribly I wrote the first few bits.

In my defence: I was at about 80 hours with no sleep when I wrote the first three pages of the red chapters (the ones with Rothface).

As I go along I'm getting better at mingling the different facets of the prose more fluidly. I'm basically going to rewrite the first fe chapters when I get to page 100 in 12 pages timeooergettingexcitedgonnashitacurlywurly

>>3950381
That's fair enough, to be honest. But I still won't read it. I don't like reading when I'm doing a project; it fucks up the style I was going for because I start accidentally mimicing that of whoever I'm reading. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

MFW I read four pages into Naked Lunch and thought "I may as well just chill round the blocks. At least then I'll be able to understand the semi-literate bagheads easier because they're not talking fucking Scottish". Second language, ennit? Can't always be arsed with it.

>>3950318
I'm sorry but no force above, below or on this earth will make me read a book that condones fucking children and even describes it, no matter how well-written I'm told it is.

The ideas in it are not only gimmicky; they are rip-offs.
There's fucking terminators in it.
They're transformers as well.
And there's drugs in it.
There's drugs in Naked Lunch.
OMMMMMM I ripped off Naked Lunch.

I'd hoped they'd be a bit more memorable, though.

Writing comes very natural to me but I'm experimenting with a different style of prose to usual. I usually write straight-forward description and blah blah very conventionally written but I'm trying to sort of do part Stephen Kingy satisfactory "here's what happened, no frills", part pissed bloke telling you the story in the pub.

I'm gonna post the chapter where there's porn for no reason.

>>3950279
And yeah. Repulsed, dirty in a bad way (Originally the kid was even slightly sexualised but I couldn't live with myself), sorry for the kid, soooort of sorry for the teacher but not really. During the Sports Day massacre set before the first chapter he's carrying Danny in his arms as the robot things attack and he tries to palm him off on another teacher because he's a near-enough dead weight. He's just stuck with the kids, he wants to go and find his wife who's a cunt as well as him. I haven't decided yet but I'm thinking eventually he just abandons them.

>>3950279
It's a statement about jumping to conclusions and first impressions. Also about the power of prose and biasedI'm fucking with you.

Because I felt like it, mate. You're not supposed to feel sympathetic towards him, he's a miserable wanker who constantly fucks things up for himself. Later on, as you read about earlier in his life you see he basically ruined his marriage because he thinks it's inevitable that a woman will want to go astray just because it's forbidden.

To be fair, though, advertising has programmed women to start foaming at the gash when they hear that word.

>>3950267
Mate, you're a fucking legend.

I'll dredge out those extra adjectives cuz I find that sort of shit annoying too and I don't know why I haven't spotted them in my own work but that's the problem when you get all 'writer mode', ennit?

And the celebrities thing.
As I said, it was a first draft. I wrote this first bit quite a while ago while I was quite rusty, having not written for a while. I wanted a character who was never described apart from in terms of people he didn't look like and I was quite adamant about that but now the novelty's worn off and it doesn't work, there's no reason why I shouldn't get rid. And I wanted a protagonist whose name you never find out and I decided to keep calling him 'Rothface' because he looks like Tim Roth When you put those two together, especially introducing them both at the same time, I can very much see how that would get confusing. I'm currentlly overhauling the first few chapters to fix this.

The colours thing is because I wanted a quick way for people to identify what year the chapter they're reading is set in. In my version on Word, it's color-coded and the italics are italic etc.

Eight O'clock is always a good time for accurate quotations and grammar lol. In all seriousness, though: I have really bad insomnia.
Captcha: Respecting Beenlogy.

>>3950262
It's because of my tiny dick, mate.

>>3950129
Continue pasting my book or continue raging because it amuses you?
Other dude's a troll.
Definitely a troll.
Definitely k-mart.

Yes, it's a fucking first draft. I'd ask if anyone actually has some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism but I know the answer is "No. I hate you. I want to kill you."
And to the dude that sarcastically called me 'maestro': I wasn't slamming your version, it just just didn't fit with his character and the story and stuff. I was slamming your arrogant introduction, though.

People have posted worse and got better comments. I will take into account what you all said but you should know that 9/10 of you critique like you were beaten as a child. I came on her like "Safe, mateys, what do you think?"
And I got "Fuck you, mate. FUCK YOU! Ok, I'll read it, but only as long as you remember I hate you... Yeah, it's shit. Shove it up your arse, set it on fire and die from the flames."
What the fuck is wrong with you people?
I've seen some TERRIBLE writing on here and my shit isn't terrible. It definitely needs work but it's not terrible. And yes. I'm going to try and publish it when it's done. Do you even know what the state of literature's like in England nowadays? I could staple together a load of used bog-roll and get it published. It's all serial vampire dramas and "No, Daddy no!"
Christ, do you get off on hurting people's feelings or something? You should all feel terrible.

>>3949450
No, I'm not doing anything for shock value or to impress you petty, angry little people. Cya later.

And the tense from past to present. Oh the suspense.

>>3949273
Considering it was so easy to 'make better', it should be pretty easy to read all the way through and take into account the fact that the History Teacher isn't a murderous paedophile but actually trying to help the kid. Apart from making him more vicious, the only change you implemented was changing the perspective from third to first person.

And I should probably point out that certain parts are supposed to be in italics to denote that they're thoughts from the character's head. This hasn't translated onto 4chan so it probably stutters some of the narrative.

>>3949140
Finally some fucking criticism, even though it's not constructive.

They're not pop-culture references. They're the names of people the man doesn't look like. This is a major part of this first bit that I've been debating changing for ages, thank you.
And you're judging it based on grammar.
Yeah, I always got a bit confused when it came to dialogue grammar.
What do you mean by heavy-handed? Sometimes words are feathers that move men to squirming and sometimes they're sledgehammers, ennit?

Now, I was nice and polite in response to your mean-spirited 'critique' so try and take this into account if you feel like replying.

>>3949098
Are YOU reading my preview, then? Lmao.
Don't worry if you can't be arsed; I'm gonna go clubbing with my mates if there's no interest soon.

Yes, I'd rather do this than get smashed with fit birds.

Sue me.

>>3949076
Thnax moyte.

And it's amazing how quick people are to answer when they don't have to put in the effort to actually READ something on /lit/ or when they get a chance to vent some of their impotent rage at the world, isn't it?

But you're all my year 9 English teacher and I fancy you so much :(
I was being sarcastic, you dick. I already know I'm a good writer. I want to know if this particular project is worth finishing.

Ok.

Hint taken, anons.

:'(

BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

>>3948844
I like this one. Are you comparing one of your experiences with a woman to Peter Pan or is it actually about Peter Pan? Lol

O! To be a poet,
Using words like 'weep' and 'heather',
Words so eloquent,
Finding their ways to the eyes and ears of the plebians,

They cannot understand thee, o noble poet!
Sat in your coffee shop with your pen and your notepad and your mocachoccalatte,
And the world on your shoulders,
And what a proper fart, eh?