/sci/ - Science & Math

>>10588197
spit it out

>>10588203
hahaha but really help me please

>>10588203
Haha

>>10588197
>Serious question, how do I see my sperm under a microscope?
Lift up the microscope.

>>10588265
>What do you do if you're in the rainforest and you come across and alligator?
wipe it off the alligator

>>10588265
HAHAHA STOP IT!!! Silly

>>10588271
OMg ew

but guys seriously please help

>>10588203
Fuck off with theses damn wojak edits.

>>10588197
fap under the table

>>10588197
Can I suck them out of you first, straight from the tap?

If I blow you and keep your load in my mouth and hold it there like in a safety deposit box, I can just drool some sperm out every time you need a new sample or need to take a different look?

I can be your lab assistant. I only ask that I get to swallow the leftovers.

>>10588197
Do you not know how to mount a slide?
Thats like the first biology lab in middle school.

>>10588592
You'd make a good slut, but the enzymes in the mouth would destroy the sample. I'm sorry anon, but the good news is you're cut out for a degree in engineering

>>10588197
1: Acquire microscope with magnification of 400-600x if you just want to barely see them, or 6300x yif you want to see sperm morphology.
2: Jerk off onto a slide.
3: ?????
4: PROFIT!

>>10589706
Yeah every dumbfuck knows how to mount a slide of course but it's kind of hard to nut like that. Is there another position, like maybe with the slide on top?

>>10589789
I did this three times now. Just did it again. Came in a small cup, pippetted it out onto a slide, put a drop of water on it, covered it, and saw nothing except clumps of white at all magnifications. For shits and giggles i also tried it without water, tried it without water and without a cover, etc. nothing. Do I just have a shitty microscope? Its an amscope

>>10588203
fbpb
OP bodied for all eternity

>>10590249
https://microscope-microscope.org/microscope-info/phase-contrast-microscope/

>be a PI
>spend $10k on an expensive microscope to make my students more productive
>they start wanking even more
m8

>>10588197
>Serious question, how do I see my sperm under a microscope?
you use a microscope. lmao. you look into it with your eye. jizz on the slide fist. do you need lessons on how to jerk off? lol

>>10588271
fuck the alligator and pull out before you cum and then cum on the slide. oh and i wouldn't go in for a blow job.

>>10590249
What is the magnification of your microscope?

>be me
>one year ago, freshman bio undergrad
>blow the dust off my old little microscope >find old slides the my dad personally made
>dad was a psychiatrist and made those slides while in medschool
>check them, some big blood vessels, tongue muscluse...
>one is strange, can't read the label on it
>it's plain weird, it's pale and yellowish and I don't see anything red
>weird, no hematoxylin eosin coloring?
>put it under the microscope
>mfw I see a bunch of spermatozoa
>mfw my dad came on a slide 50 years ago
>mfw I'm watching all the seething losers I outran 20 years ago

>>10590485
What makes you think he used his own?

>>10590325
>do you need lessons on how to jerk off?
Resources can be found at /s/, /b/, /hc/, /gif/, /h/, /d/ and for OP on /hm/.

>>10590491
Also, what makes him think his mom used them?

>>10590491
The fact that he's straight perhaps?
>>10590619
You Americans get cucked that much?

>>10590646
You seem upset.

>>10588197
1. Into a container
2. Suck up a small amount (a very small amount) with a pipette
3. Drop a drop onto a glass slide
4. Put another slide on top
5. Secure the slides together with tape
6. Look at it under a microscope

>>10590771
You seem american

>>10590249
maybe you're infertile and you're only zooming on prostate fluid.

>>10590249
You can't focus with a microscope holy fuck. Don't add water retard semen is already semiliquid and incredibly sticky.
As I already said I was able to see sperms with a toy microscope ment for children with shitty lens and low magnification. You just need to find the right focus.
Sperms aren't as small as you probably think

Since we're on the subject, what are some cool and useful things a hobbyist could do if they were to purchase an okay $1k microscope? Thinking of buying one for shits and wanna know what sort of practical use I could get out of it. Like looking at my jizz, or blood?

>>10591102
1k on something you will use to look at your cum for never using it again after a day or two?
Get a cheaper one, I've see decent microscope around 400 quids on Amazon.
You can look at your blood if you do a blood smear with another slide (look up a tutorial it's easy).
You can look at transparent things like dead skin and nails, insects mold, wings... But to make slide like pic related you'll need a lab, you can't do this on your own at home.
>t. I made it

>>10591129
What kind of lab equipment would I need? I work as a facilities engineer at a major research institute and people throw shit out all the time.

>>10591129
>to make slide like pic related you'll need a lab
Nah, just a microscope with lamp, glass and a reagent for staining. All of those you can easily get under 300$ if you're not a retard who buys a new microscope.

>>10591314
Don't listen to this retard.
To get a section of tissue like that (that's fish hindbrain) you'll need a microtome, a machine which can cut up to 5 or even less micrometers. The section I posted is 15 micrometers thick (which is fairly thick for a section) , something not achievable with just a knife. Also you will need paraffin to harden your tissue before cutting it, then you will remove the paraffin with different alcohol concentration and toluene.then stain the tissue (depending what you want to stain, the are many staining processes) and dehydrate it again reversing alcohol concentration. The finally mount your slide. It's long and all those reagents and equipment cost a lot. You would also need a heating magnetic stirrer.
You would have to put up a home lab but it would cost much, believe me.

Wait, is sperm alive?

>>10592447
don't listen to this retard either, if you get a job as a movie projectionist you can cum on the lens and see everything in great detail. This is actually how sperm was originally discovered by Van Leeunhoek.

>>10592783
You can easily argue it is not since it does not eat. The energy used comes "pre installed" and there are no meal stops on the road to the egg.

>>10593255
Adult mayflies also do not eat, nor do some adult moths. Are they not alive?

Apropos of nothing, pic the vampire moth, Calyptra eustrigata, piercing the skin of a human and feeding on blood. How does that make you FEEL????

>>10590795
I want to step back in here and apologize abjectly for hurting your feelings. Obviously my whimsical remarks inadvertently hit on some issue in your life that is painful, possibly regarding the chastity of your mother, possibly regarding experiences ou had as a child that involved the ejaculate of your father. I do not know. But obviously I have opened some wounds that remain painful to you

Such was not my intention, and, again, I apologize.

>>10593274
Ok cuck