/vt/ - Virtual Youtubers

>>64547245
Alright, that was less difficult than I thought it was going to be. You've got a way with words when describing the heroine reverting to a servile cum-receptacle as both parties experience mind-blowing orgasms. The pace of the description slows to a crawl just so more can be said of how a hungry womb becomes saturated with warm semen; I love it. Nutted so hard I drew a mental blank for a moment there.

>>57966508
I actually love all of their designs, they all feel like they come from a manga for young women

This is a gen that will make the lesbians happy

>>55328395
naisu

>>55125180

>>54477479
if its not lewd and genuine calming asmr my heart would explode
please fuwamoco release me from this mortal coil

>>50860701
Hell yeah, motherfucker. There's nothing quite as satisfying as having your man sauce sucked out by a loving woman intent on nothing but your happiness or a cock-crazed nymphomaniac hell-bent on finding out what your semen tastes like.

>>45913131
Holy BASED

>>44085529
>>44101435
I'm ok with this.

>>42904230
Nice, very nice

I love it

>>41890849
Good fucking job

>>31665403
Based and puritypilled.

Kiara LMAO

>>29252327
Unironically the best kind of fan, if you are not ready to kill for your oshi, you're a poser.

>>29163935
Nowadays I just think peak cringe debuts are the absolute best.

I honestly lose interest in a vtuber when they know what they're doing from the start. Just like it's also way more enjoyable for me to watch people grow over time rather than straight up professionals.

That was pretty good.

Very EHE~

>playing a JRPG with someone else
This is surprisingly a very good idea for a collab, works well.

>>27477714
>>27478394
my sides, she mind of schizos in this board in this board are truly something else, never fails to make me laugh

LMAO

>>26752139
Damn, that looks like some good 'zah!

>>25026205
holy kek

Snuffy ASMR tit claps

>>21096513
>bkub pekora in the thumbnail

>>20194345
Okay, so, that was quite good for a first attempt, anon! I've got a few pointers for you, though.
First and foremost being the size of your paragraphs; you need to shorten them, because at the moment your fic simply looks like a gargantuan wall of text with minimal breaks.
The average person's attention span is fairly limited in the age of social media, and you don't want to give them reasons to close your fic, so improving readability is probably, if nothing else, the one thing you should take away.
The length of the scenes in question is rather short. Combined, they make up a respectable 1.4k words, but separately they're fairly short. When creating a smut scene, a good rule of thumb in regards to length is to create it with the intention of having a reader bust a nut to each scene. You've got a blowjob scene and an anal scene, and individually, they're over in a flash, and I failed to nut as a result.
Prose-wise, you're on the right track. It flows fairly well and whilst there are a fair number of grammar mistakes, they weren't bad enough for me to completely lose immersion. I particularly enjoyed the blowjob scene, the way it began as rape, but shifted into rough sex as Luto matches your pace and starts jilling herself off. I just wish it was longer!

There's also some incongruity in character; this guy being a desperate virgin ashamed because his friends tease him and his first instinct when confronted with an annoying (albeit possibly willing) woman in front of him is to unzip his fly and ram his dick down her throat.
The dialogue's confusing at the end as well, with Luto alluding to something that isn't explained, but I'm guessing that's an idea you're setting up for part two.

Great first attempt, anon. Thanks for the fun read!

>>19939587
wrong image, but okay