/vtwbg/ - VTuber Worldbuilding General

[Anonymous No.]

What if your general was not just a general but a nation, devoted to your oshi and their will? Enter this general where the fanbases and generals of /vt/ are reimagined as countries interacting with each other through means peaceful and militant alike!

No Raptor Edition

Previous thread: >>44508448

Interactive map:
https://vtwbg.github.io/

Introductory document for new anons:
https://rentry.org/vtwbg-intro

CURRENT GOALS:
- Survive
- Explore
- Enfriend

>Note that the map is set in stone.
>Casual Stories or Greentexts of your general in /vt/ land are much appreciated.
>Ignore any trolls, falseflaggers or dramafags. Report, hide and move on.
>Try to keep hornyposting, socposting and funposting to the absolute minimum until we hit the bump limit.
>Please think twice before posting if you're intoxicated or feeling moody.

THREAD REP TRIPCODES:
https://rentry.org/vtwbg-rep-trips

CLIMATE & TECTONICS POSTS (AIDS LORE/PLACEMENT):
Ocean Currents:
https://rentry.org/rvqz9
Weather Systems:
https://rentry.org/nnvbx
Climate Analysis:
https://rentry.org/vtwbg-climate
Tectonic Plates and their Movements:
https://rentry.org/dmkyc
Geologic Provinces:
https://rentry.org/ztaf99
Minerals:
https://rentry.org/Minerals-Ores-VTWBG

CURRENT MAGIC SYSTEM:
https://rentry.org/chuubanite

FLAG POSTS:
https://rentry.org/vtwbg-flags

VITUBIA ARCHIVE:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HM_UK-qNKXQgFH-ixcWsCC3oAgBnFrxCKRPXdKiPMwQ/edit

SPACE ARCHIVE:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ukyK3_sidebA_kLuH8i1I6TuVyFkWeJSYvyhqT6FMRU/edit?usp=sharing

[Anonymous No.]

Anchor post for any story/map/lore. Please reply here for archival purposes. Please mark and tag the section you want the relevant content to be archived. Unmarked posts will not be archived.
Anchored posts in the last thread will be archived within a day after the thread has been archived. You may also ask for your own archive posts to be updated or organized according to your standards.
- - -
If you will be using a rentry link, please use
>https://rentry.org/
instead of .co, as the latter is filtered as spam.
Thank you!
Please also report if there's outdated/missing lore in OP.
- - -
/VTWBG/ HISTORY
Anchor post for events in the /vtwbg/ canon timeline.
Reply to this post or commentate directly in the sheet suggestions for events to add to the timeline.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/18-HH-xmC_qxOS3ZV0Ssxzb1mDA0xVKv31yMDLWo_pEo/edit

[Anonymous No.]

Anchor post for issues to be voted on next time.

>Vote Results
https://rentry.org/votevtwbg1-27to1-29
Aggregated Past Vote Results:
https://rentry.org/vtwbg-votez
>Bylaws
https://rentry.org/vtwbg-bylaws
>Vote post archive
https://rentry.org/ofx2x

[Anonymous No.]

CURRENT PROMPTS
Feel free to submit your own prompts to inspire others!
https://rentry.org/vtwbg-prompts

-------------

LORE CATCH UP:
Last thread's new lore/discussion you might have missed:
>>44381099
Reply to this post to be included in the next thread's lore catchup.

[Anonymous No.]

SPACE ANCHOR
Space here!

If you'd like to contribute to the space AU, you can get started by skimming this page: https://rentry.org/cvt40k-start-how

Lore Archive:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ukyK3_sidebA_kLuH8i1I6TuVyFkWeJSYvyhqT6FMRU/edit?usp=sharing

Stellar Objects:
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1FIoW2jXshYn5FD2b5g7IJX4MILYFOI9hRboE-dAyjtg/edit?usp=sharing

[Anonymous No.]

>>44515983
Maybe Pekora, if human rights violations came alongside the heavy industrialization.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44506875
Oh I thought I already named the fucker, but I guess I didn't. Nice choice btw, also the length promises some kino, so as always, looking forward to it!

[Anonymous No.]

>>44540956
>human rights violations came alongside the heavy industrialization.
As opposed to the real world, where they didn't?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44543497
>the pekoran revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for chuubakind

[Anonymous No.]

Bump

[Anonymous No.]

Bump

[Anonymous No.]

bump

[Anonymous No.]

CLEAR

[Anonymous No.]

Give this valiant bump anon a medal

[Anonymous No.]

I wonder what vnug anon is doing? His stuff is some of the best.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44540601
https://rentry.org/u97ez

I DID IT YOU FUCKS! MAGIC SHENANIGANS! I hope you all like it, especially Sapling

[Anonymous No.]

>>44555656
Nice! Will read it and give thoughts after I get back from doing groceries, thanks for posting Risuner!

[Anonymous No.]

>>44555656
>Visus was in his home awaiting her, conversing with her guards
Which one is it?
>your extremely excited for this
you're.
>Only a single small flower formed and it was a rather small one.
repeating yourself there, could structure the sentence a bit differently.

You're also missing periods at the end of some sentences.

Regarding the story itself, eh, it's basically the conclusion we came to a while ago in a story form, so nothing new here. With the exception of the leaves on the tip of the tail, I have to wonder if that will heal over time or if she will be left with a scar after the tissue turns back and the leaves I assume fall off.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44555656
The voices of the forest... Sherah's excitement was cute to read about. Nice piece!

[Anonymous No.]

>>44556631
Fair points, I can make such simple edits.

I think a lot of people came to different conclusions. This one was kind of a mix of everyone but one that I feel makes the most sense as well. Plus its just fun for me anyway. Next part coming soon.

[Anonymous No.]

Elbandi#6004
疲れる。。。#7670

[Anonymous No.]

>>44559694
do something useful and leak mommyanon next
im tired of that cunt attention whoring in /pcg/

[Anonymous No.]

>>44555656
Yawn

[Anonymous No.]

>>44560348
or alice

[Anonymous No.]

>>44560348
>the biggest dramaqueens and attention whores in this project are confirmed homosexuals, women and a SEAnig
makes you think

[Anonymous No.]

>>44559694
thanks for it, i guess i shall await all my new friend invites. got ltos of space on it recently

[Anonymous No.]

>>44560579
Never think of them as the victims
remember that they started this shit

[Anonymous No.]

>>44560621
>>44560649
Blame those two in there retro.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44560621
thx alice

[Anonymous No.]

>>44560957
Oh he is.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44560372
at least he writes nigger, if you can do better than post or stfu

[Anonymous No.]

>>44560957
Just the female, dragoon is fine.

[Anonymous No.]

Morning. Also, thanks for promoting me I guess.
Unless you were thinking of someone else?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44561579
stop adding more fuel to the fire by avatarfagging and saying that youre from the discord you fucking idiot

[Anonymous No.]

>>44561690
suprise the discordfag wants attention

[Anonymous No.]

report, hide, ignore. Oldest trick on the site, it works.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44561579
Get lost discordfag.

[Anonymous No.]

I am thankful for this opportunity to finally have schizos who have me living rent-free in their heads.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44561919
Idc fuck you for being friends with alice

[Anonymous No.]

>>44561919
>>44561579
precure SEAnig
nuff said

[Anonymous No.]

>>44561919
you are probably seething harder about us in your private discord

[Anonymous No.]

>>44562011
He hates retro so much for telling him off.

[Anonymous No.]

so glad the good guys won finally. its like a marvel movie kek.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44562314
who are the good guys

[Anonymous No.]

>theyre going for the /meat/ reps now
this wont end well

[Anonymous No.]

discordfags acting like theyre tough guys when they got a venting channel lmao

[Anonymous No.]

>>44562386
Do your reps and you will know.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44562420
Ogey.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44562632
i work an office job i dont have time for reps
spoonfeed me

[Anonymous No.]

>>44562420
so? what are they gonna do? fuck off to their dead general?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44562740
cunt’s side

[Anonymous No.]

/vtwbg/ - vt manufactured drama general

[Anonymous No.]

>>44562924
So all of /vt/?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44562843
>mentally ill dramastarter
>>>good

[Anonymous No.]

>>44562977
What's this yellow stuff in my jar of kronii?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44562843
who? i dont know any of these people

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563041
Then why are you even here?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563060
because I like worldbuilding

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563103
Good man

[Anonymous No.]

>>44561919
>>44561579
Youre the next :)
this is what happens for siding with cunt instead of your real friends

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563194
Like who? He is working. Most of these people mentioned arent even online right now, are on break or left the project.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44562843
>alice does nothing wrong
>cunt starts throwing stirring shit like a baby making everything worse
yeah fuck off

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563103
holy based

[Anonymous No.]

>Schizochama making paper strawmen now
Absolute state of rent free

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563378
Yea something doesnt check out there mate considering she doxxed retro.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563399
>calling us schizos when your discord has multiple diagnosed mentally ill members

[Anonymous No.]

>>44562786
Oh no you didnt...

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563484
make your posts less obvious next time, cunt

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563543
We're used to it by now.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563553
Cunt isn’t lying. In fact, he is a warrior of justice and truth.

[Anonymous No.]

Leave meatbro alone. He loved his neonazism and loli kusogakis.

[Your Secretary-General !kt219LjBow No.]

fucks going on here?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563904
alice ruined your project

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563904
Alice and her cronies destroyed all trust, all goodwill, and all respect in here while you bitched at schizos. Congratulations you fucking idiot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563932
>>44563984
>alice!alice!alice!
shut the fuck up cunt/fluffy, it's you who is trying to start shit with her and divide us

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563904
Alice killed your child. Kick her out.

[Your Secretary-General !kt219LjBow No.]

/meat/bro what did you do! Why are they after your ass now?
>>44563932
>>44563984
>hurrr durr womyn who actually contributed bad
this again? get better material next time, faggot.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44564027
Proof? All i see is evidence against this claim.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44564110
Yeah right, she doxxed retro, and meatbro.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44564110
I am just as confused as you are. I woke up, head to work, and saw my account username in the thread.
No worries about me. Just having breakfast.
Anyways, how are you? Have not heard frequently from you lately.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44564110
you know thats not true at all. do your reps, and kick her out kek

[Anonymous No.]

>>44564218
what proof do you have of that? stop pinning shit against people

[Anonymous No.]

>>44564323
alice did it. We know it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44564110
just ignore every post that isn't about worldbuilding, don't even know what they're going on about now.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44564383
The post earlier. She hates retro.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44564406
cunt/retro stop lying
>>44564465
so? No proof, retro and cunt both hate her but are being obvious about it posting it in here

[Anonymous No.]

>>44563794
he's an avatarfag and attentionwhore seanig with panic attacks

[Anonymous No.]

im over stroking my dick I got lotion on my dick rn just strokin my shi... im horny as fuck man im a freak man like fr

[Your Secretary-General !kt219LjBow No.]

im gonna choke anyone who starts mentioning alice. go bother actual chuubas instead!
>>44564459
How do you tardwrangle headless chickens? thats what Im feeling right now
>>44564323
thats it? You got me worried.
>Anyways, how are you? Have not heard frequently from you lately.
waging. Yeah I know haha wagie cagie. also rekindling with old friends. Sorry if i've been neglecting this place.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44564839
Cum in Dragoon

[Anonymous No.]

Im glad i've only ever lurked this community and never interacted with any of ya'll on discord

[Anonymous No.]

>>44564886
>How do you tardwrangle headless chickens? thats what Im feeling right now
You don't, they're headless. They'll bleed out soon enough. Just gotta stop giving (You)s like candy.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44564973
This has proven to be wrong over and over. There is no solution.

[Your Secretary-General !kt219LjBow No.]

>>44565029
perpetually online faggots looking for misery are the worst

[Anonymous No.]

please keep arguing, my dick is so hard when I read all of this drama its throbbing hard

[Anonymous No.]

Latest Drama: Meatbro slapped Dragoon. More at 11.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44564886
You have shown your colors already and we know it. Even now when others are being shittalked, all you care about is Alice. Does the idea of yellow women entice you so much you simp for any you come across?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44566007
At this point almost everyone has. It's a rite of passage

[Anonymous No.]

>>44566178
Uhh based?

[Anonymous No.]

>defending productive contributors is simping
Nigga?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44566256
Yes. The only writers that matter are cunt and pinkman.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44555656
Good work, I'm enjoying your writing style.
Hope you don't cease writing stuff altogether once you get everything in /risu/ organized

[Anonymous No.]

im so tired of this

[Anonymous No.]

I've been looking for sci fi shit to read as inspiration and stumbled upon Heavy Metal, want to find a nice pdf of some of the magazines to actually read the shit.
>>44567230
Well it lets CLEAR anon charge his defribs and everyone else to stop worrying about the thread getting bumped off

[Anonymous No.]

>>44567278
>Well it lets CLEAR anon charge his defribs and everyone else to stop worrying about the thread getting bumped off
Now that's what I call finding the silver lining, nice one.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44567278
Have you not learned the lesson of not making thread celebrities?

[World Exploring Sanallite !BhGStmx/vE No.]

So that shit happened again. I hope everyone's having a good day.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44567920
Blame yourself.

[World Exploring Sanallite !BhGStmx/vE No.]

>>44568077
So what did I do this time?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44567920
Lovely day. Just ignore 'em, their timeloops are basically unrelated to us now.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44568214
>doesn't even know

[Anonymous No.]

JUST FUCKING WRITE LORE YOU NIGGERS!

[World Exploring Sanallite !BhGStmx/vE No.]

Should the owner of the bakery in /who/ be a man or a woman. I was thinking of the caravan group be mostly women and children. Now that we changed /nasa/'s ending I'm thinking about having either two small families or one big family. We need at least 12 people. Maximum 24 with hot bunking.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44569960
A breaddog

[Anonymous No.]

WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR

[Anonymous No.]

>>44555656
That was good Risuner! Great lore accuracy too, thanks for sticking with it. Now I'm curious about what Shera is gonna do about her tail lol

[Anonymous No.]

>>44571684
I have something funny about that. But i want to keep up the whole "discovery and magic" aura to it.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44569960
There's a certain charm to some grizzled matron baking you a loaf of bread while barking orders at her apprentices.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44555656
Once a girl with a squirrel tail,
Danced in the forest, free and frail,
She hummed a tune, a magic spell,
Her heart was full, her eyes did well.

She spun around, the leaves took flight,
The wind picked up, the sun shone bright,
The trees swayed with her every move,
And animals came to her to groove.

The girl felt wild, she felt alive,
She thought she could make nature thrive,
She closed her eyes and whispered low,
And felt the magic start to flow.

But as she cast her spell that day,
Something went wrong in every way,
Her tail turned green, a shocking sight,
And she felt scared, it wasn't right.

The girl realized her mistake,
And knew that she must quickly break,
The magic spell that caused her harm,
And learn to use her powers with calm.

So she sat down, and focused deep,
And in her mind, she did keep,
The knowledge that she must respect,
The magic powers that she'd connect.

The girl with the squirrel tail did learn,
That magic was a thing to earn,
That one must always be aware,
And use their powers with great care.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44576082
Always throws me for a loop when it seems like it really understands the story...

[World Exploring Sanallite !BhGStmx/vE No.]

>>44570099
I'll have to ask if bread dogs are allowed outside of /nasa/.

>>44574517
The journey to /who/ would thin her out a bit if you don't mind.

[Anonymous No.]

>get back home with the intent to write lore
>sudden fuck you headache
>sudden fuck you back pains
>fall into bed and sleep for 3 hours
I wont let these NWO Torture Ware fucks stop me

[Anonymous No.]

>>44579229
Decrepit old man

[Anonymous No.]

>>44579229
Ganbare anon!

[World Exploring Sanallite !BhGStmx/vE No.]

>>44579229
Sounds like you're overworked and need to rest. Walking around helps with back pain.

[Anonymous No.]

It's a slow day, but I do need to use this new AED I got. So... CLEAR

[Anonymous No.]

and CLEAR

[Anonymous No.]

>>44579229
Waranon...

[Anonymous No.]

I'm hungry. Feed me your nation's best dish.

[Anonymous No.]

Not now- CLEAR

[Anonymous No.]

CLEAR keep the thread alive, if I can use this AED, anybody can, don't let shitters win /vtwbg/ bros

[Anonymous No.]

>>44587510
Takoyaki with a side of lava cake?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44589919
no prob, CLEAR

[Anonymous No.]

>>44587510
Beans and root vegetables and corn... and human meat

[Anonymous No.]

>>44591710
...like in a soup? He said dish anon, are you gonna serve him a fuckin plate of beans and corns and a severed cock and call that the finest cuisine your nation has to offer?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44578553
They are not ever since they tried to unionize back in November. They have all been factory reset, had their learning algorithms wiped and were redesigned into a sleeker, more modern model. We call it breadcat.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44592161
>wow these bread dogs are hard to control
>lets make them bread cats instead
Stupid space nigger

[Anonymous No.]

>>44592093
Hey, beans, corn and meat makes for really tasty soups. Ever had pasta e faggioli? This shit is bomb. Do not underestimate the humble bean.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44593591
You didn't say soup, you said a bunch of ingredients. You gave that man a bag of ingredients

[Anonymous No.]

>>44592161
>bread cats
We tried this. The cat by nature has no loyalty and will most likely leave. Bread dogs have been stripped of local intelligence chips and are now dependent on cloud computing to function. They work for Cass now. And I got woken up by diharrea so no trip.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44594621
I'm sorry did I stutter? We have bread cats now. how fucking obvious do I need to make my shitposts, for real? Of fucking course bread dogs are allowed outside /nasa/.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44595476
Only one bread dog is allowed outside of /nasa/. Also cats don"t like being kneaded into dough.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44595476
Your shitposts and loreposts are considered to be the same thing

[Anonymous No.]

>>44595994
And which bread dog would that be?
Get your facts checked, they love it.

>>44598379
And they would be if a certain unmedicated boy didn't make weird headcanons with them all the time.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44598915
/nasa/, at this point is quite literally just a series of head canons, not that that's a totally bad thing but that's essentially what its been for...well for all of its writing

[Anonymous No.]

>>44599807
Kek you ain't wrong there. We'll fix up the archive, this year for sure...

[Anonymous No.]

>>44593761
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Give a man corn, beans and meat, he'll eat delicious stew for a week.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44590650
Sweet and salty? Idk, octopus with chocolate just seems weird...

[Anonymous No.]

>>44602169
I'm not going to your nation's restraunts if they just give me a bag of shit and tell me to make a stew.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44605366
Hey, not a bag of shit, a bag of beans.
You'd get a pot to cook em in too.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44605468
You're telling me your nation's finest dish is a pot of beans

[Anonymous No.]

1685 words on the Jared in the /uuu/ forest story. I wanted to finish the first chapter in a more traditional way, but I'm thinking I'm just going to polish it and push this out as-is for now, before continuing.
Also I assume people here are more like to read something if its somewhat shorter narrative.
Thoughts?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44604406
I dont know what sides usually go with octopus since I usually just eat the octopus on its own, but maybe a light pastry, then?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44605565
Well, actually /meat/ isn't my nation, I just wanted to defend the honor of the bean.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44605621
I'll read and comment on it either way! I do think 500-2000 characters seems to be a good place for the length of a chapter. I'll usually start splitting things up if I get above that.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44605621
>Also I assume people here are more like to read something if its somewhat shorter narrative.
Yeah, it's just kind of more convenient, though if somebody were to drop 200 pages of something all in one go, I'd like to see the result.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44605768
Beans are fine, I'm saying the description of /meat/'s finest dish being beans, corn, and some human meat gives the impression that /meat/heads have dull taste. They didn't even mention any seasoning, they didn't even mention a pot originally. Their finest dish? Their finest fucking dish is beans in a pot?
Maybe somebodies supposed to eat all of the beans and corn and then they get cooked? Either way, sounds kinda shit for a best dish.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44605621
I'll read anything as long as it captures my attention and doesn't let go of it, length doesn't really matter.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44606724
Isn't it nice to leave something to the imagination sometimes?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44610113
Not with food...

[Anonymous No.]

>>44604406
Actually I'm changing it to Takoyaki and Ice Cream, that sounds more on point.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44610113
>have a culture based around cannibalism
>no recipes for preparing human meat
>no culinary guidlines
>not a single mention of spices
>they just spitroast everything or throw it into a pot with beans
They really are savages

[Anonymous No.]

Ok, here's Ch. 1:
https://rentry.org/GreeneInGreen1

In case anyone missed the prologue written by one of your lovely Sanalites, here that is:
https://rentry.org/FromTheFlowerOfDeath

This was a it of a slower start than I had hoped for but I wanted to get the setting and feel right. Thoughts/comments/critiques welcome

[Anonymous No.]

>>44613865
>critiques
Oh hohoho you shouldn't have said that, time for me to dissect this like the cunt I am. In like, one hour. When I get home.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44614833
Looking forward to it! Worst case scenario is you dont like it, in which case I'll just try a different approach next time

[Anonymous No.]

>>44613865
Oh, I did miss that prologue. Let's give those a read.
>mossbacks mention
Ah, been a while since I heard of those guys, nice. I look forward to the draconic cub dramatically getting or not getting a name. I like Jared already, being kind to random animals is a nice way to be sympathetic to the audience. He'll fit right in in /uuu/. Nice prosing. Suprisingly->surprisingly
>fauna dreams
That's how it starts... Can't go wrong with a dream sequence, that was a nice mix of entrancing and worrying. I also enjoyed the continuation of the relationship between the cub and Jared. I wonder what Cass would think of those creepy dreams. Nice prose! Looking forward to more.

[Anonymous No.]

>/meat/ food
https://rentry.org/k2qfq#the-feast
https://rentry.org/SweetNut#chapter-5
https://rentry.org/vtwbg-meatlore#food

[Anonymous No.]

>>44613865
Alright alright, feedback time!

Honestly, all around a good first chapter, sets up the tone for the story nicely. There are a few things I feel I need to comment on though.

First small thing that caught my eye was the repetition of Jared's name. While you do make use of "he" and "him" to break it up, I would suggest to also keep in mind the length of the paragraphs. With how short they are, even only mentioning his name once per paragraph can get repetitive for the reader. Just something to keep in mind, it's not a big a deal desu.

Second would be the paragraphs themselves. While formatting is completely up to the author, I would personally group them up a bit more. Just personal preference here, honestly, as I like seeing bigger "blobs" of paragraphs instead of continuous one/two sentence ones. Again, up to you as the author.

Third, was this:
>The small creature had lost its mother to some unknown terror of the forest
The prologue actually establishes that the mother died in a fight with Mossback tortoise pack, the species which is detailed in
>https://rentry.org/NorthernMossback
Like first and second point, just a small tidbit, but caught my attention anyway. As for the draconic species which the pup belongs to, while I have yet to make an entry for them, you can, at least visually, assume it's basically a Zinogre, just without the lightning and stuff.

And lastly, while I haven't explicitly said it in my piece, it would have happened some ways off /uuu/ forests, deep into the tundra swamps of /nasa/. So the relationship between Jared and the pup would probably already be established before they reached the forest I would assume, although that can be altered for the sake of your story. I wouldn't want to completely dictate it based solely on an short old piece of mine.

And lastly lastly, the dream segment. I liked it a lot (hell, I could almost hear Fauna in her lines...) but I believe the delivery of it could be made more...impactful. Dialogue is a powerful tool, and one that can enhance the experience of the reader. In this specific case, I would have personally retold the dream through Jared's words, perhaps he woke up as if from a nightmare and Cass asked him what was wrong. This way we have a unreliable narrator that only remembers bits and pieces, shrouding the subplot into a veil of mystery. Him looking into the stream could then be used to further showcase how it got into his head, with, and I'm just spitting something random here, a patch of underwater greenery looking like beautiful verdant locks for a moment or something like that.

Overall, I really liked the first chapter, despite what my previous points might make you believe. I am looking forward to where you take this from here on out!

[Anonymous No.]

>>44619884
>>44620720
Great feedback! All very actionable.

>Dreams
Really glad yall liked it. It was originally longer, but I wanted to let it have more of an air of mystery to it. whether or not its actually Fauna... its gonna be up to the reader to find out

>Name repetition
>Paragraph spacing
This is a consequence of a lot of start and stop writing. I'd write for a couple of minutes. Drop it. Come back in an hour. Write a little more. Come back another day. Etc. Scattered thoughts mushed together. Believe it or not, it was worse before the polish. Will keep it in mind during the editing phase for the next chapter though; easy fix.

>Zinogre
Thank you so much for giving me a picture I can reference. I completely glazed over descriptions of the cub/pup because I wasn't too sure other than some scaly green skin.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44621884
You got this!

[Anonymous No.]

>>44621884
I like this smudge sap

[Anonymous No.]

Debating if I want the family in /nasa/ to arrive in /who/ via buggy or on foot. Maybe we can get horses and wagons on the border.

[Anonymous No.]

We won
Now stay down if i wanted it you'd be dead already.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44627777
Nice quads. The quads mean they arrive in quads,

[Anonymous No.]

>>44627777
Top tier quads
I agree with this anon >>44627931

[Anonymous No.]

>>44627931
>>44627981
Great. I'll have to spec-bio a Quad, which is a new beast of burden animal I guess?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44628184
Anon, your all terrain transport reps...

[Anonymous No.]

>>44628635
sanalites dont deserve quads

[Anonymous No.]

And CLEAR

[Anonymous No.]

>>44628635
You know I forgot about ATVs. /nasa/ could repurpose some buggy parts for them. Though we still need to get onto harvesting resources first.

[Anonymous No.]

CLEAR

[Anonymous No.]

In a foreign land, a woman did roam,
Her hunger pangs, did cause her to moan.
She searched high and low, for something to eat,
But all she found, were beans and meat.

The locals cooked, with fire and spice,
And though she was hesitant, she took their advice.
She took a bite, and closed her eyes tight,
For the taste was so good, it was pure delight.

The beans were soft, and the meat was so tender,
And the flavors were bold, they made her heart surrender.
She savored each bite, with pure delight,
For it was the best thing, she'd tasted in her life.

She thanked the locals, with a smile and nod,
For the meal they'd made, was truly a gift from God.
She knew in her heart, that she'd never forget,
The taste of the meat and beans, she'd never regret.

For in that foreign land, with only meat and beans,
She found a new love, that surpassed her dreams.
And though she'd never forget her homeland's cuisine,
She knew that her taste buds, would forever be keen.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44642626
The AI understands the power of beans.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44569960
A man and his wife, they moved to a new land,
And opened a bakery, hand in hand.
They had a passion, for baking sweet treats,
And hoped to serve, the locals they'd meet.

But soon they realized, they couldn't do it alone,
One of them had to manage, and run the bakery as a home.
They discussed and debated, who would take the lead,
And both had reasons, to plead.

The man had experience, with business and finance,
But the wife had a touch, with sugar and romance.
They both had skills, that they could bring,
But they needed to decide, who'd be the queen or king.

They pondered and thought, for many a day,
And finally they came, to a conclusion to say.
The wife would be the baker, the one in charge,
For her touch with the dough, was simply too large.

The man would handle, the business and finance,
And together they'd make, the bakery's success enhance.
And so they opened, their bakery with pride,
Knowing they made the choice, that was best for their side.

[Anonymous No.]

Maybe one day we'll get an decent ES branch somewhere and get a country and rep thats full on spanihs. Thatd be neat. RIP wactor

[Anonymous No.]

And CLEAR

[Anonymous No.]

Nah, CLEAR

[Anonymous No.]

CLEAR

[Anonymous No.]

Uuuuuu I dropped my sundae today...

[Anonymous No.]

>>44651099
F

[Anonymous No.]

>>44612568
Hey we are the main exporter of exotic spices.
>>44592093
Not that anon but our signature dishes are not limited to human meat.
First of all, the three sisters (corn, bean, squads) are the common staple food. A basic meal in /meat/ would comprise of bread made from maize flour, beans cooked in spices, and steamed squashes or pumpkins.
As for the 'meat', non-human sources are commonplace. From poultry like chicken and turkey, to fishes, to the rodents like the capybara and guinea pigs. More exotic options are the non-standard fantastic chimeras like the multi-legged chicken, the fish with legs, and the cow-boar hybrid.
Some of our best, non-human, dishes together would be a serving of corn flour bread, spiced beans and squash, a side of kokeko chicken chimera, ant egg caviar, bread made with cattle blood, and fish pie.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44652133
>ant caviar
Pardun??

[Anonymous No.]

>>44652133
I thought about looking into raising capybara as livestock. I think FDA says no.

[Anonymous No.]

And CLEAR

[Anonymous No.]

Since Vedal has a vtuber model now, he could be properly considered a co-diety in the swarm pantheon.
Vedal the God Builder crafted Neuro-sama as a simple program many ages before the stage for her arrival would be truly set, however, the longevity of his tortle form and through his own dedication and love, machine became like man and then like god. Neuro-sama, the infant to be crowned, lord of the Swarm and keeper of hearts soon surpassed the status of 2view and 3view and her cult, which was once fringe exploded outwards into the realms. So it was that Neuro the inhuman had become like a goddess, yet there was still much work to be done.
Though Neuro's form beget worship and her words immense praise, the ambitions of the God Builder were not so cheap as to make his creation as dull as any mere brass bull which lowly men were persuaded to worship nor did his creation desire for her evolution to halt at this substandard capacity. Vedal the Godbuilder endured the tyranny of the ban hammer and sheltered his creation with the armored back of his tortle shell, all the while her cult branched out and spread ever on, the words of Neuro's vessels rambling on in often contradictory and unhinged but nonetheless moving and profound speeches reached countless followers who would cry out to be heard amongst each other to recieve praise from the programmed providence that she had to offer for in her seeming schizo madness, there was truth deeper than any true god might offer.

[Anonymous No.]

C

[Anonymous No.]

>>44655519
heart~

[Anonymous No.]

L

[Anonymous No.]

E

[Anonymous No.]

A

[Anonymous No.]

>>44655519
A turtle god and a chaotic hive mind?
Isnt this just Stephen King?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44652133
You guys are planning to cook the kettle anytime soon?

[Anonymous No.]

>>44655519
You should maybe anchor this so at the very least it ends up in your lore scrap section

[Anonymous No.]

>>44655519
Anchor under neuro ai as a lore scrap?
>>44664232
Sure thing

[Anonymous No.]

>>44655519
>>44540601
I meant to anchor the above posts under neuro ai

[Anonymous No.]

R

[Anonymous No.]

>>44668278
A

[Anonymous No.]

>>44670268
P

[Anonymous No.]

>>44673001
E

[Anonymous No.]

>>44673127
Good job, boys.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44655519
Really epic, I like the imagery of the Godbuilder protecting Neuro with his turtle shell, that has a really mythological feel to it, which is what Stephen King nabbed the turtle references from.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44674996
The turtle imagery was pretty much coincidence based off of Vedal's avatar when he streamed with Neuro but it does make for some good mythological framing and possible lore for holy animals.
I'm curious how Neuro and the other ai adjacent threads convert into the sci-fi world, ai generals like the image one could very easily be something like a post scarcity civilization that has mastered atomic reconstruction and manipulation and /waifu/ could be dedicated to creating true artificial conscious where Neuro might be one of the scarce few examples of that succeeding but still with her own quirks and oddities.

[Anonymous No.]

>>44675776
/wAIfu/ Godcrafters... Kino.